How Dale changed his future through strength and fitness

We’ve all been there……

Make a fitness or eating plan, whatever it may be, say to oneself this time it will be different only to get stalled by circumstances or simply give up and have to ‘start again’ at what seems like the beginning.

Only this time, instead of remembering what progress you have made you hate yourself a little bit because you stopped, and the devil on your shoulder starts trash-talking ‘so what’s going to be different this time, loser?’

So even as you set out again on a Monday morning (because it’s always a Monday morning) to stick to the plan you are telling yourself – I am a quitter, I have no willpower – but you plough on anyway, hoping for a different result this time but with exactly the same mindset as meanwhile the catalogue of ‘failures’ grows….

So this post is intended to give hope for those of us feeling it’d be great if there’s a different way. That we can be master of our own destinies, actually, and our trash-talking shadow selves are not in charge.

Like me, and so many of us, my friend Dale had been on this rollercoaster for years. But 2024 has been his time to stop that ‘all or nothing’ thinking. In so doing he has transformed his health future, his body, and his outlook and has gone from 132kg bodyweight at his heaviest to a thriving 93kg today.

Whilst his most obvious achievements have been in the last 6 months (he looks and holds himself completely differently and is pb-ing his lifts all over the place) it’s actually happened over a number of years, which despite the ups and downs, have allowed him to arrive where he is now, his strongest and most athletic self yet.

In 2023 after years of yo-yo-ing Dale managed to get back to something like momentum in the gym with his new coach Chris Allen at Origin Athletic in Bristol. His yo-yo years had been partly caused by challenging setbacks including lockdown gym closures, personal health challenges, and ultimately the sudden and untimely death of his beloved mother which was clearly a devastating loss and the grief and stress took a massive toll on his ability to reach his weight loss and health goals. He told me of his bingeing and secret eating to cope with his feelings, particularly around his mum’s illness and passing.

But now, in July 2024, he is a stronger, fitter, lighter, more athletic person than he has ever been. So I asked Dale what had he done differently this time?

‘Firstly in looking for a new coach in early 2023 I knew I needed someone who was going to be as dedicated to my journey as I wanted to be for myself. I tried out a few people and no one clicked and then you said “Go on, just give Chris a go”.

‘So I started training with Chris Allen but I hadn’t addressed any of the mental health issues.  I was trying to get back into the groove and create the relationship with him as a new coach and trying to cope with mum’s death and when I started to talk about my mum he then understood that I couldn’t do everything at the same time. So we started to take away some of the pressures, and it became more like “try and go a walk, three times this week… do what you can and small wins…”.  

‘I then started to be more honest about things such as whether I had had a takeaway or an episode of binge eating. But there was no judgement. It took away the fear of “he is going to think I have failed”. And he made it seem like less of a problem….not “try harder” it was more like “this is not a catastrophe….”

‘So we then said let’s focus on something else, not just weight loss so realising that I could focus on walking 10k steps a day or doing a heavy bench press meant that it all changed into thinking about training. Weight loss then came naturally as a consequence of what I was doing. It all just flipped around and it became a side effect of my gym routine and lifestyle, not the only goal.’

But at the end of last year it was much less certain that this success was going to be maintained. In fact it was one of the lowest moments in Dale’s quest for strength and fitness that eventually brought the biggest breakthrough.

‘It was still a bit up and down then but it was more of a small zig zag rather than a mountain and if I spun out about putting on some weight Chris would just say it was no biggie….so then I stopped beating myself up so much.

‘So it was all going swimmingly……and then I broke 4 ribs, badly, which put me out of training for 13 weeks….‘

No one would have blamed Dale if upon lying in bed in hospital in agony after breaking his ribs running up the stairs he had thought c’mon, ffs, this really is a challenge too far, and sunk into gloom, box sets, comfort eating and feeling sorry for himself.  In fact, previously Dale would probably have done just this.

But whilst this enforced bed rest and physical discomfort may have been a blow to his progress it actually galvanised Dale’s feelings towards the gym in a way which surprised him. He realised that he really missed it, for the process itself. He told me when we spoke that previously the only reason he had started strength training in the gym was because someone told him it would help him lose weight. And that weight loss was his only goal. For years and years.

But now he realised that he loved training and also that he really didn’t want to, or have to, start again from the absolute beginning.

He realised that he got to decide who he was….

……so he did what he could, with support from his coach, which included not bingeing on excess food, and trying to eat as healthily as possible. 

He couldn’t move much so he did do the box-set watching but, ‘I easily could have gone back to my previous ways, but I focussed on eating well…. I still put a little bit of weight on but it was only 4-5 kg. I was still in touch with Chris, we were still talking. I couldn’t exercise for 6-7 of those weeks and then once I could walk it was just about walking around the block without being in pain a little bit further every week.

‘When I was able to go back to training I realised I actually love to do it! In January 2024 everything clicked into place, I had still remembered how to do everything, everything just worked, and my strength came back really quickly this time. And then the diet suddenly seemed to start working and now I look so different from before, as well as being stronger and fitter.

‘One of my current focuses at the moment is about being able to do rope climbs with just my arms so it’s a celebration of what I can do. Before I would always have used the most negative words to describe myself. Whereas now if someone asks me about myself I would say I am strong instead of I am fat…’

‘So it’s about realising what you have rather than what you don’t. I am still trying to figure this out and not compare myself to others all the time but I know that this is also what everyone else does (even the people that I respect and admire) and so I am no different to them and we all have that ability to compare and put ourselves down. But what I have now is the love for the process of training and for the feeling of strength.‘

What I have taken from Dale’s experience is that:

1. Dale decided who he wanted to be, and let go of his previous stories about himself
2. But he also forgave himself for not adhering 100% at all times and realised that this was just part and parcel of living a balanced life and was a much more sustainable route to success
3. He focused on performance and learning new skills and building strength
4. He realised that this was a lifelong commitment to health which meant he was in less of a rush for rapid weight loss
5. He found someone whom he trusted and who would help him stay accountable to himself
6. He stopped telling himself that he was a loser every time he had an imperfect day which stopped him from entirely giving up the whole week or month.

So what does Chris say about Dale and how he has managed to change his future? ‘The relationship between the coach and the person being coached is that the person is on a pathway and often all they can see is the dark in front of them, so as the coach you are lighting the way ahead of them.

‘For so long Dale felt that he wasn’t worth it and was just going through the motions, but he has been shown the light in the path and now the end of the road is whatever he wants it to be, whereas before it was all hidden. He has been shown how strong he actually is, inside and out and his internal battles have been expressed in external strength which has fundamentally changed his attitude to life.’

All I can say is chapeau Dale, and Chris. You do actually get to decide.